Stairs
by Wisupi
Summary: An abstract study on Soubi's life and psychology. Rated T for violence and extreme angst. Advanced critique is fully appreciated, so R&R please.


Stairs

Hello, this is another surrealistic dream piece that I felt like doing. Remember my first story, Abstract Hope? Well, turns out that some of the facts weren't straight, so this story is sort of to make up for it. I'll try to write this better as well.

Oh yes, and just to let you know, this story chronicles Soubi's life and feelings for his situation, from his early life with Ritsu till the end.

Enjoy.

--

Soubi opened his blue eyes and gazed upward at the huge spiraling staircase that stood before him. The massive structure was entirely composed of an icy blue crystal-like material that seemed to glow in the otherwise inky black space and was about as tall as a ten-story building. The steps weren't connected, so that there were narrow gaps between each one and to top it all off, there were no railings.

He'd have to try real hard not to fall off the side and into that looming black hole. He took another nervous peek at the deep, dark abyss in the center of the spiral and recoiled sharply, biting the insides of his cheeks anxiously.

It would be a long, not to mention, painful journey to get to the very top. In this quest, the only thing that would exist is pain.

He gulped once, twice, and with the knowledge that he had to do this and that there was no turning back after, he placed his right foot on the first gleaming step, and began to slowly climb up.

--

He was aware of how hard it would be to climb, but had no idea that there would be thin, razor like shadows swiftly flying round him, in the beginning just narrowly avoiding him, but as he progressed on the height of the stairs, becoming more aggressive, and slicing his back as they zoomed by with a hostile whirr.

Once he flinched so hard that he skidded off the steps and was only saved by swiftly grasping the sharp edge of a step, and clambering up before he slipped off. Getting his mind back together and not allowing the affect of vertigo to numb his mind, he stood back up and began walking with the same pace as before.

After a while, he tried to feel the pain differently, to make it seem more like a loving caress rather than the feel of someone planting an axe in his back. Stopping to shake the bloodstained hair out of his tired eyes, he scratched himself to see how it felt. This was nothing, almost gentle, actually.

After all, pain was all he ever got.

Pain was love.

And nothing else existed in this world, except love.

A slap was equivalent to a gentle caress, as another gash on his back was a loving embrace.

Pain was love.

Aware of a dark object in front of him, he stopped walking. Standing in his path was a large irregular shadow that moved eerily with a life of its own, similar to a sea anemone's tentacles as they swayed in a sea, or green grass moving in sync with the wind.

Suddenly, numerous thin tendrils burst out from the dark mass, also swaying, and looking ready to pounce.

So this was the source of his pain.

Of love.

Knowing and accepting that, Soubi ran as fast as his faltering strength allowed him to and threw his arms around the shadow. The strength it eminated was amazing. In response, the shadowy whips protruding from the mass swung around harder than ever, slashing his face, tearing at his back, leaving bright crimson gashes and tearing his white collared button-up shirt. 

As the pain increased, Soubi held on even tighter, gritting his teeth, embracing the pain.

Just as the torture reached its climax, it stopped just as abruptly as it had started, and the dark tendrils retreated back into the mass.

He was aware of a loss of something, though he couldn't think what in his state. Then he became aware that he couldn't move his tail.

Snapping his head back, he saw that his long bushy golden tail had disappeared. He felt the top of his head; His ears were gone.

Pausing, he took another step and continued on. He was halfway there. He couldn't back down now.

--

The shadows were attacking him again, but Soubi could barely feel them. His skin felt numb and the only thing he could focus on now was the top of the staircase, which he was slowly, but steadily approaching.

He nearly tripped and fell off a couple of times, but kept his pace, and the closer he got, the faster he tried to walk.

Realizing that he was only a few steps away, he broke into a sprint, which was amazing assuming the condition his body was in and he sped upwards towards the top. The scars on his back burst open as he ran, but he ignored it. He ignored everything.

And finally, he was there.

It was like the top of a large mountain. While he was walking, the stairs had started to spiral into the middle, making the top come up to a sharp peak.

Suddenly exhausted, Soubi collapsed on the last three steps of the staircase. Panting heavily, he tried to raise himself up on his hands but failed, hitting his nose hard against one of the steps, making a capillary burst inside and bleed. Turning his head behind him slightly, he saw that he had left a trail of blood on the steps behind him.

But…bruised, beaten, and worn out that he was…he had made it.

He won.

Grinning, and summoning a huge amount of strength from within himself, he managed to lift his torso up from the step and kneel.

Looking up at black, he began to chuckle.

Slowly, his laugh became louder and more maniacal. The only thought that was in his head at the moment was that he, Soubi, did it. He had known love.

He threw his head back. His laughter rang throughout the dark space, a frightening and hollow sound. He became aware of a new pain, a sharp something lacing around his neck.

As he opened his eyes, sharp light broke into his vision. Blinking back tears, Soubi saw that multiple strands of light were circling round and round his neck, leaving intricate thorn shaped scars and letters behind.

This was a new kind of pain. It felt…purer.

The strands gathered up and dispersed, for a moment illuminating the darkness. He slumped down, flinching at the sharp pain in his neck.

But now what?

He had climbed the stairs and reached the top, but what did he get out of it? Love, of course, but was that it? He looked down at the freefall before him.

What if he jumped? Would he get anywhere else? Somewhere new? Or what?

Figuring he had no choice, he shuffled over to the edge, took one last look behind him, closed his eyes and let himself fall through the darkness.

--

He became aware that he had landed with a sharp jolt up his body. He opened his eyes.

He gaped at the staircase in front of him. The exact same one that he had climbed earlier, except it was clean from the blood. The crystal seemed to be expecting to be tainted again. Clutching his hair, he sighed resignedly.

Was he to climb the staircase forever, through all eternity? Would something be awaiting him n the end? If it did, what would it be? More scars?

Standing up, a blank expression on his face, he started to climb the stairs. Again.

--

Instead of shadows, there were strands of light, dancing, flying through the air, but it wasn't much of a change. They still gashed his skin, and still cut his face. Nothing had changed.

Halfway through, he just sank down to his knees and put his face in his hands, struggling not to throw up. This was all so pointless. He couldn't even touch the light as he was able to touch the darkness.

He didn't cry. His tears had long dried up. He just sat there, for a very long time.

A strong heat seared his skin. Looking back up, he saw that fire had appeared out of nowhere and was burning each step, except the one he was kneeling on now.

He froze, not panicked nor frightened, he just watched in awe at how the flames danced.

Then as abruptly as it had started, it stopped.

Every blue crystal step besides his had turned into a black onyx-like glass, nearly invisible in the darkness.

Soubi put his hands round himself and squeezed. Now what?

The step underneath him exploded, as did all the others. He made no sound as he fell, just closed his eyes and waited for impact.

Instead, gentle arms wrapped around him from behind. He opened his eyes wide. What was this? He had no idea whether to panic or not.

A quiet, gentle voice whispered into his ear, "It's okay." And the grip around his torso grew tighter.

Love?

Whatever it was, it felt good. And it made him fall slower.

--

He landed gently on a smooth surface of gray rock. Raising his head, he gasped at the view that met his eyes.

Around the small circular stone surface was a glass floor, and within that floor was the largest butterfly collection Soubi had ever seen, thousands of them, all in neat orderly rows.

He went up to the edge of the stone part of the floor, knelt down and examined the butterflies. Every one of them was the same, with a black body and brilliant blue wings.

Their wings were twitching.

_They're still alive! _Soubi realized, horrified.

He stood up abruptly, nearly tripping. Then noticed…

The gashes on his arms were gone.

He felt his face, then his back. His wounds were healed and his strength had somehow been returned to him.

Putting that aside, he knelt back down and tapped the glass. It seemed very thick, probably impossible to break.

But he had to try. He raised his fist and swiftly planted it down on the glass.

It barely budged. All the impact did was send a shock of pain up his arm.

He despised it.

Rubbing his arm, he decided that it was impossible to break with just his fist, so he stood up, and took a step to walk.

_You can do it._

He flinched at the voice, and then remembered the embrace. It was the same voice from then.

Once again, arms wrapped around him. A sudden surge of emotion brought tears to his eyes but he wiped them away.

He could break. He could be free. It depended on the glass.

Not fully conscious of it, he raised his fist again and brought it down with as much force as he could muster.

The glass shattered with a resounding crash. His fist sent shock waves throughout the whole room, breaking all the glass, destroying the floor.

The very moment they were free, the butterflies started flying out of their prison and up into the air.

It was a sight to behold, as thousands of blue wings fluttered upwards into the dark.

Watching them, Soubi felt as if a large weight had been lifted from his chest. He was free. He had found love.

A light poured down from above, not a harsh one like before, but a softer, mellower one.

And he knew that it would lead him somewhere better.

Somewhere new.

--

Pretty difficult to follow, I know, but the whole thing was meant to be an abstract study of Soubi's past and mind. Hope you got something out of it. If you need a translation, message me on that.

Thank you for reading.


End file.
